How the snow reminds me of my worth

Exploring Buddhanature and our pure goodness

Walking to the Willowemoc Creek after the snow storm.

Contemplations

What reminds you that you are inherently good? That you are, in all ways, good enough?

What gunk (narratives, relationships, habits) can you let go of in your life that will help you better see this?

What does the snow and winter bring up for you?

***

We had our first real snow this past weekend. It had sprinkled once or twice in November but with temperatures at a record high, we were starting to wonder if we would get a real winter this year.

The truth is every time I wondered that, I felt a tinge of pain in my heart, thinking about the affects of climate change, how we as a humanity continue to not look or think about it unless our backyard is burning on the Pacific coast or how we are getting pushed out by rising sea levels across the Atlantic.

Snow, in any form, is so special to me. Growing up in Texas, it snowed once when I was too young to remember and again when I was in college. I remember it was Christmas-time and my father had loaded up the car full of presents to bring to one of my Aunt’s houses when the snow started to fall.

My father and I looked at each other in amazement, our faces lighting up like little kids and we both laughed.

“Wow! It’s snowing.” It had felt like a Christmas miracle in a state where the average temperature in the winter tends to hover in and around the mid 60s.

I stuck out my tongue and my Dad pretended to shiver from the cold and we both laughed and tried to catch the snowflakes in the palm of our hands. Just as quickly as it appeared, the snow vanished seconds after it touched our skin. I remember wanting to hold onto it, and my father telling me to just enjoy it.

Since then, every time it snows, I take a moment to just take it in. The vastness of the snow, how the white cascades across the land and piles itself onto the branches of trees neatly; how the days are brighter from the sun’s reflection; how I am able to find stillness, quiet in a way that I can’t in any other season; how it always takes me back to that moment of joy, laughter, of remembering that miracles can happen.

The Catskills.

The Willowemoc Creek right before sunset.

Not to be all Buddhist about it, but…

The snow reminds me of so many teachings in the Buddhist canon — impermanence, interdependence, but I feel it most when thinking about purification of our minds. So much of what we do in these practices is to letting go of what stands in the way of us seeing the world and ourselves clearly. It is the practice of wringing out the defilements, the gunk that lives within our consciousness so we can access our truest selves — our luminous mind, our true nature, our Buddhanature. To me, the snow is a physical manifestation of Buddhanature — that purification, that emptiness of self. The blanket of snow reminds me of the clean slate, of the true nature of our minds, how it could be if we do the practice to get there so we can access wisdom and insight.

From the Tsadra Foundation Initiative:

Buddha-nature is the capacity for enlightenment and freedom present in every being, a fundamental core of goodness, wisdom, and compassion that is hidden by clouds of ignorance—so hidden in fact that we might never even suspect its presence. It is like the sun that continues to shine regardless of the clouds that may cover it. By clearing away those clouds of greed, anger, and selfishness we uncover a state of perfection that is, and always has been, our own true nature.

Buddhanature has become one of the most powerful and profound teachings for me. It is the deep understanding that we are all born good, that we all pure; it is life, the conditions, the systems, the world, all the things that obscure and make us believe differently, that make us feel less than.

We forget this. And in so many ways we are programmed to believe otherwise, especially if you hold certain identities that are weaponized against you. In a world where I am often being attacked for my sexuality, gender, race — the many forms of me — I have found much refuge in this teaching. I have slowly learned to unearth the different forms of oppression that have been internalized in my bones for generations and centuries and see it for what it is: bullshit. I have and am continuing to learn all the ways of not letting these stories get absorbed into my consciousness so I can continue to see that none of that is a reflection of my self-worth, of my humanity.

Just think about that the next time you feel not smart enough, not pretty enough, not enough, period. It is that act of remembering that we are all the light reflecting onto the snow. I believe that this is the work of our lifetime, or at least mine.

This is why it’s been vital for me to study the teachings of Buddhanature. It is a powerful reminder that we are all good, that we are all the snow falling for the first time, that we are all magic.

***

Contemplations

What reminds you that you are inherently good? That you are, in all ways, good enough?

What gunk (narratives, relationships, habits) can you let go of in your life that will help you better see this?

What does the snow and winter bring up for you?

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