Thank you for writing this Kim! I could really relate. I can relate to the stress of “no productivity” when choosing to go on retreat. I also appreciate the story of the yoga studio. I had a similar experience a few weeks ago with Chogyam Trungpa (who is long dead). I have been heavily drinking the cool-aid, studying his books, gathering with his students and his “Shambhala” community for almost 8 years. Reading more recently about sexual misconduct, emotional abuse, manipulation, sexism, white supremacy, substance abuse among other things happening in his community really bothered me, and left me feeling betrayed and with nothing to hold on to. The one community I have trusted and been a part of for almost a decade is not who I thought they were. In a panic, I signed up for a retreat with Lama Rod, who is a buddhist guru and social activist. I was extremely hopeful for the retreat, and desperate for guidance and community. I love how you articulate the pain of hope. Injustice and broken systems hurt so badly because I have hope for something better. I am not comfortable with the way things are. I believe we can do better. Being with Lama Rod was life changing, and it made me think a lot about my own identity, especially as a Jewish Autistic person. He gave a new light and perspective to my view of Buddhism. I now know that even when it comes to my beloved Buddhist community, I can’t take anything at face value, and even the dharma can be racist, sexist, homophobic, able-ist, and so on.
The retreat also let me know I am not alone, and that there are people doing the work. Similar to your conference experience, I was pleasantly surprised, as I have also become more cynical with lower expectations of others, as a defense mechanism, just as you described. Part of the healing work as you say is to open the heart back up to allow hope for something better, and to allow trust, even after being betrayed and disappointed in the past.
“ I know that hope brings more suffering. I have experienced that, but in my body — in my bones — I also know that hope arrives when I am most present, when I feel the most safe.”
This is a whole mic drop. Deep bow to you Kim. I am honored to know you.
I want to share something I learned from Lama Rod. I’ll paraphrase, “the essence of Buddhism is to choose not to be comfortable in samara, because we know freedom is possible”
One more Lama Rod quote: “there is no liberation without the body”
I can’t wait to see you in the heart sutra class tomorrow Kim!
Kyle thank you so much for this deep and vulnerable share. What a gift you got to practice with Lama Rod. Inviting all the aspects of who we are personally and collectively is vital if we are doing the work of cultivating our personal and collective awareness.
Yes, I think healing from those communities is vital. And of course the dharma (and any spiritual text) can be misused for power because it is still being filtered through humans.
But I’ve slowly learned (and am still learning) that our hearts have the capacity to hold both truths -- that we still got something from those places even if they are not at all what we thought they were or wanted to be.
Deep bow to you my friend 🙏 I’m so glad we are dharma buddies and on this journey together. I have to miss class tmrw but can’t wait to dive more into the Heart Sutra.
Thank you for writing this Kim! I could really relate. I can relate to the stress of “no productivity” when choosing to go on retreat. I also appreciate the story of the yoga studio. I had a similar experience a few weeks ago with Chogyam Trungpa (who is long dead). I have been heavily drinking the cool-aid, studying his books, gathering with his students and his “Shambhala” community for almost 8 years. Reading more recently about sexual misconduct, emotional abuse, manipulation, sexism, white supremacy, substance abuse among other things happening in his community really bothered me, and left me feeling betrayed and with nothing to hold on to. The one community I have trusted and been a part of for almost a decade is not who I thought they were. In a panic, I signed up for a retreat with Lama Rod, who is a buddhist guru and social activist. I was extremely hopeful for the retreat, and desperate for guidance and community. I love how you articulate the pain of hope. Injustice and broken systems hurt so badly because I have hope for something better. I am not comfortable with the way things are. I believe we can do better. Being with Lama Rod was life changing, and it made me think a lot about my own identity, especially as a Jewish Autistic person. He gave a new light and perspective to my view of Buddhism. I now know that even when it comes to my beloved Buddhist community, I can’t take anything at face value, and even the dharma can be racist, sexist, homophobic, able-ist, and so on.
The retreat also let me know I am not alone, and that there are people doing the work. Similar to your conference experience, I was pleasantly surprised, as I have also become more cynical with lower expectations of others, as a defense mechanism, just as you described. Part of the healing work as you say is to open the heart back up to allow hope for something better, and to allow trust, even after being betrayed and disappointed in the past.
“ I know that hope brings more suffering. I have experienced that, but in my body — in my bones — I also know that hope arrives when I am most present, when I feel the most safe.”
This is a whole mic drop. Deep bow to you Kim. I am honored to know you.
I want to share something I learned from Lama Rod. I’ll paraphrase, “the essence of Buddhism is to choose not to be comfortable in samara, because we know freedom is possible”
One more Lama Rod quote: “there is no liberation without the body”
I can’t wait to see you in the heart sutra class tomorrow Kim!
Kyle thank you so much for this deep and vulnerable share. What a gift you got to practice with Lama Rod. Inviting all the aspects of who we are personally and collectively is vital if we are doing the work of cultivating our personal and collective awareness.
Yes, I think healing from those communities is vital. And of course the dharma (and any spiritual text) can be misused for power because it is still being filtered through humans.
But I’ve slowly learned (and am still learning) that our hearts have the capacity to hold both truths -- that we still got something from those places even if they are not at all what we thought they were or wanted to be.
Deep bow to you my friend 🙏 I’m so glad we are dharma buddies and on this journey together. I have to miss class tmrw but can’t wait to dive more into the Heart Sutra.
Thank you Kim! I’ll miss u in class today but we’ll keep in touch!
beautiful piece kim
Thanks for reading friend 🙏