Realizing my true nature
How we are all fundamentally good
I recently had the opportunity to teach for Columbia Law School’s Mindfulness Program. It was my second time there and I was happy to be back in space with these students, hoping to inspire them to change the way they think about the legal system. I decided to share a teaching that is near and dear to my heart, Buddha-nature. I wrote about this not too long ago, but I always want to share it because how deeply it resonates with me. You can find this week’s contemplations at the bottom of today’s newsletter.
Hi everyone, it’s great to be back. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Kim Thai, and my pronouns are she/her. I always think it’s important to know who you’re learning from so let me give a brief introduction on who I am:
I’m currently studying in Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village Buddhist tradition;
I have studied and taught mindfulness through meditation and yoga for more than 5 years;
And I grew up loosely Buddhist, as much of Vietnamese culture is influenced by Buddhist, Taoist and Confusionist thinking.
Other things that are relevant to this conversation, is that I live at the intersection of multiple identities that often fall prey to systemic oppression.
For me, the dharma – which is what we call the teachings in the Buddhist canon – helps me make sense of the world; it helps me better understand myself and how I can move through it, especially when it often feels like everything is burning to the ground.
One of the essential teachings that helped me reframe how I looked at myself was Buddha-nature.
So what is Buddha-nature?
Buddha-nature is the capacity for enlightenment and freedom present in every being, a fundamental core of goodness, wisdom, and compassion that is hidden by clouds of ignorance—so hidden in fact that we might never even suspect its presence. It is like the sun that continues to shine regardless of the clouds that may cover it. By clearing away those clouds of greed, anger, and selfishness we uncover a state of perfection that is, and always has been, our own true nature.
When I first heard this teaching, I was like, “Oh well, that’s sweet.” But as I continued to sit with it, I started to realize how extraordinary this idea was – this idea that we are all fundamentally good.
That we were born this way.
Really think about that.
All of us. Everyone in this room. Is good.
Everyone outside this building is good. Everyone in this country; everyone everywhere – even the people you don’t agree with, you don’t understand, even Trump – is inherently good.
That’s a hard pill to swallow. A lot to process, a real turning of the mind.
But when we look a little deeper, and think about how that might be possible, and what are the things that get in the way of that goodness like the definition said – anger, greed, selfishness, something happens, something dissipates. This looking is a way to pull away those clouds of ignorance.
And when we start believing in that possibility, then this teaching really becomes extraordinary. This idea that we all have this inner capacity to be good; that we already are, at our core, everything we hope and want to be. The practice isn’t about getting there, it’s just remembering that it was there to begin with.
My mentor on the path, Kaira Jewel Lingo, who just came out with an extraordinary book called Healing Our Way Home, which I highly recommend, she often says that “Mindfulness is not about self-improvement, it’s about self acceptance.”
Think about all the ways you consciously and unconsciously prove your worth every day – at school, at work, in your relationships, the way you dress, the way you eat, the way you love. It’s insidious and prevalent in our modern contemporary lives.
That’s why it’s so important to name all the people and things that contribute to those narratives – from all the shows we watch, the advertisements we see, the politicians who run this country, our family, ourselves.
So what would it mean if we could embrace this idea of Buddha-nature? If we could flip the story that we’re not enough? That in fact, we are inherently good, but just have been told – because of power, because of fear – that we aren’t good enough.
As a Queer, Asian woman, a first-gen kid of Vietnam War refugees living in a larger body, yeah, this teaching was and continues to be life changing for me.
Growing up, I was told I didn’t matter as much because I wasn’t white, or I wasn’t smart because I was a woman, or that I wasn’t pretty because I was fat. I kept on getting pushed towards this “ideal” of what it means to be perfect i.e. a straight, skinny, cis white woman. Or if we really want to be honest, the penultimate would be for me to be a straight, fit, cis white man.
So when I heard of this concept of Buddha-nature, it was revelatory to me because I started to unspool that narrative thread. I started to inquire, dig deeper and ask why was that the ideal? Who decided? Who is saying that? And what’s their motivation?
We know now through research, history, anti-racism education, that this “ideal” comes from a westernized, colonial mindset. That this “ideal” was formed by a small subset of people who wanted to wield power over others; who saw the opportunity to create a level of superiority by claiming that certain characteristics – race, sexuality, gender, the body, learning abilities – were inferior. And that has since been weaponized into fear, into exclusionary governing, into consumerist products, into workplace culture.
For me, once I started to identify the root of why I was thinking what I was thinking, I could see how far it went back, how deep in my consciousness those narratives were embedded. That was the beginning of the dissipation of the ignorance that clouded my mind, that didn’t let me see my true nature.
It was the first time I was able to not just unspool the thread, but take it in my own hands and tie it into a different kind of bow.
That’s when I started to believe just a little bit that maybe I was good. That underneath all of the stories I had been told, there was still that light shining deep down inside. That no matter who told me I wasn’t good enough, this teaching, this dharma, gave me the hope that there could be another way, another path, another truth, another reality.
And sometimes, on my hardest days when I can’t necessarily completely absorb the idea that I’m enough, just holding the possibility of something different gets me through.
The only difference between us and an enlightened being such as a Buddha is that a Buddha recognizes this nature and the rest of us do not. The goal of Buddhist practice is to allow our true nature to shine forth. We may not be perfect buddhas yet, but we have the capacity to develop wisdom and compassion and free ourselves from selfishness, greed, and hatred.
– Tsadra Foundation
For me, the teaching behind Buddha-nature invited me to do that deep work, to practice, and to be with myself, in its purest, most beautiful, luminous form and that’s my invitation for you today.
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Contemplations
How can you look deeply into the narratives that tell us we are not good enough?
What would it mean for you to drop those stories you’ve been told?
How would your life be different?